


suddenly

by charmandu



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, after debut, energetic era, non-au, this is a little headcanon in my mind hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 18:16:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18393761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmandu/pseuds/charmandu
Summary: A dinner with Nu'est W and Minhyun opens up an issue Minhyun didn't realize was apparent to everyone but him.





	suddenly

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to apologize in advance if I did not capture Nu'est's dynamics well. I am only familiar with their music, I remember the first time I listened to them was when I was still in high school so it's been so long haha. Sooner or later, I'll watch their reality shows so that I could keep up with the proper characterization. 
> 
> The beauty of outlining is now tested-I've written this in one sitting so apologies for the inconsistent tenses. I will review it when I've forgotten about it. I need fresh eyes. 
> 
> Title from Suddenly by Olivia Newton-John

Minhyun thought it was best to meet with his other group members, currently called Nuest W, in a cafe which offered a private booth. The safety of its four corners would let them be and this is what Minhyun had missed since his awkward self makes every interaction with them on stage or on cam, a little, well, awkward. He’s missed his brothers and he couldn’t wait to catch up with the childish rants each of them would have of one another. It’s a silly little family and he loves them, misses them, and constantly wishes for their understanding about the current situation (he knows they do). 

Nuest W came in separately thinking that four tall men walking with their masks on would gain suspicion from fans and non-fans and they won’t really appreciate it if their meeting with Minhyun would be cut short. It was hard to find a common free time and all five of them agreed that it is good timing that promotions are done and finally, they could meet up again. 

Both camps are still adjusting--one with the unfamiliarity of promoting with a new set of brothers (read: ten new members) and four, missing the other one. 

Ren would always be the one who’s worried about how Minhyun would do when surrounded with more (read again: ten new members) and younger (say, Minhyun is in the hyung line) but JR assures him constantly, saying that the other ten are also their friends and that there are no better people to take him in than them. He would pat his back and tell him, “Look, even Aron is not worried,” (but he is, sometimes.)

This rare occurrence of them meeting without any cameras is something they can’t just throw and the five of them are thankful. Each of them has a home in each other. The W in their name stands for waiting, after all.

Minhyun arrived just as the waiter was giving the menu to each of those in the chair. 

“Hey!” All of them shouted in unison. Minhyun felt their voice harmonize and it made him laugh before pulling each of them for a hug. “I missed you.”

“We chat almost everyday. So dramatic.” Baekho teased. 

After a few small talks, life updates, and a poll if they would order a plate of Xiao Long Bao, Aron orders for all of them, telling the waiter to serve the desserts after their meal. All of them thanked the waiter (who looks afraid of them, probably a new hire) before he left.

“Yah, I really missed you guys. It’s a little weird that we sometimes see each other in shows but we really can’t interact.” Ren pouted, sight fixed on his fingers playing with the fork on the table.

Minhyun agreed. “Yeah. And it’s not like, they’re telling us not to.” He finished chewing. “And it doesn’t help that we already know we’re going to see each other even the day before because when I’m at the moment, I always panic.”

“Sometimes, I think I’m just still not used to the fact that you’re not with us, especially with the shows and in the dorm.” Aron added. 

“That’s okay. We’ve been busy, you’ve been busy. It’s good that we’ve found a common free time.” It’s JR this time, talking while biting the straw of his iced tea. His statement calmed the atmosphere and it’s not so tense anymore.

Aron perked up, as if something he’s long forgotten dawns back on him; like dreaming about something he’s dreamt before-- déjà vu . 

He looked around the table: chopsticks resting on the plate, a half-eaten seaweed on Minhyun’s plate, and confused gazes from the three Nu’est W members. Minhyun seemed blank but Aron thought he might be absorbing everything slower than the others. Aron leaned forward, bringing in confidence as well as his sheepish grin. His elbows were propped on the sides of his plate, almost knocking off the glass of water just in front of it. “Yeah, Minhyun. You’ve been busy with your group.”

Minhyun supplied a short reply, an answer so automatic that he doesn’t really need to pay attention nor gauge the situation nor see who he’s talking to nor if that specific person who asked is already grinning wider because of ulterior motive. “Hmmm, yeah. Been busy with Wanna One.”

Ren is the first one to notice the urgency of the what’s happening and his eyes widen at the realization. It’s making him sweat. He made a face to JR, who, in return, shifts his direction to Baekho. All of them look scandalized and slightly confused, not knowing what to do because something needs to be done ASAP. Ren wanted to nudge Aron and tell him to shut up, but Baekho didn’t really get the signal faster than what the situation needed. He sighed in defeat and JR really couldn’t do anything but to cover his mouth. 

Aron smirked mischievously and Minhyun grew weary, “And Jaehwan.”

Minhyun raised his head faster than their choreography for Energetic and he regretted it immediately after because of the apparent lightheadedness it brought. He’s confused, yes, but dizzy too. “Wait, what?”

The three previous contestants of the second season of Produce 101 were quiet, too awestruck to mend the situation. Aron smiled wider. “You. Busy with Wanna One.”

“And?” Minhyun tilted his head to the right, still not getting a grasp of what’s happening. Baekho almost purred with how cute he looked but the mood is getting restive. 

“Jaehwan.” Aron smiled more, blinking faster to imply that he knows something and that he’d like for Minhyun to confirm what he knows.

“Told you he doesn’t know.” JR broke the long silence. He sounds protective of Minhyun, like he felt that this is not the proper way to talk about this matter but they are boys and they are brothers and they do toughen the bond like this, so he submitted without a fight. His statement made Minhyun grow more curious and he’s starting to pout, brows knitting. The inability to grasp the situation quicker is making him uncomfortable and he wants to get to the bottom of the assumption before he assumes a totally different thing. This is not really his strength and he so wished that Jisung was here, because he’d know how to handle this for sure.

Is there anything he doesn’t know? “What don’t I know?”

JR stared back at Minhyun and the room felt colder, the tension growing stronger and more evident in the air while Aron, god bless his face, was still smiling. He has his hands intertwined to support his chin, to support the heaviness of the secret he felt he should know.

JR points Minki with his lips while motioning it to Minhyun’s direction, an unspeakable  _ you tell him  _ is delivered. 

Rather than avoiding the situation, Minki clasped his hands and settled it on the clear side of the table. The setup made it look like Minhyun is being placed on a hot seat and Minhyun had the impression that sooner or later, something serious would be discussed; something like parents talking to their child about how babies are made and what condoms are. 

“Uhh,” Minki cleared his throat before continuing. The warm glass of water in front of him seemed tempting but he chose to continue so that Minhyun wouldn’t worry more.  “Aron thinks you and Jaehwan have a thing.”

“A…” Minhyun inhaled before following through. “Thing?” Minhyun’s curiosity is more genuine than the leather of his wallet. He didn’t have a clue. “What thing?” The poor boy wanted to have a guess, anything really, but he was blank. His mind was a blank. 

Aron waited a few more seconds before saying, “Hey, stop it with the act.” He glanced at the Wanna One member, “It’s not like I’m the only one who thinks that way.” 

Baekho opened his mouth in an attempt to react or to rebut whatever was said, to say something that would probably save him but he’s empty.

“All of you, my members, my friends, my brothers,” Minhyun emphasized the word brother, hoping that it would help him in the situation. “Think Jaehwan and I have a… thing?” Minhyun heard himself as he said it and he thought (finally) that he understood what they all meant. But, where is this all coming from. “Huh?”

Baekho closed his mouth and drank water. This is taking longer than he thought. “He doesn’t know, okay.”

“What do I not know? Please tell me, this is dragging on. Don’t do this to me.”

If there’s anything Minhyun doesn’t like, it’s not knowing. When he was promoting with Nu’est, he was used to JR telling them everything they needed to know about a schedule. It made him feel like a soldier being briefed about a mission and it excited him, especially when they’re overseas. This habit turned 180-degrees the moment he promoted with Wanna One and JR’s role became his not because he is the leader but because he was brought up that way, and he would like to share the attitude with everyone else in Wanna One, especially with the maknaes. 

“You know it’s cute that you don’t know.” Baekho neglects him of the truth and Minhyun is redder only partly because of the hotness of the sauce of the dumpling. “Classic Minhyun.”

Ren tucked an astray hair behind his ear and continued with the  _ tea _ , “Aron,”

Aron is quick to correct him, “Not only me, I swear.” His right hand is raised until Minki talked again, a sour look was on his face. Aron looked like he was enjoying it if Ren’s going to be honest. “Okay, fine. We, umm.”

“You?” Minhyun wanted to hurry because this is killing him. He took a moment to drink in the look on their faces, from left to right, to assess if this is a prank or something (they’ve had a lot of those, anyways, mostly in the dorms). However, what he found for himself is a shaky conviction to let him know right there and then. It seemed to him that there is a betrayal going on, especially if it meant that they’ve discussed him without him knowing. That, or there is at least a secret he’s not supposed to know but Aron has spoken about it and they really can’t escape it now. What could be the thing between him and Jaehwan?

“It’s not really something so serious! What is up with the ambiance,” Ren tried to laugh it off but it did not work. The silence just crept back in. “Okay fine. We thought you and Jaehwan are together.”

Minhyun’s chopsticks drop on the table, mouth hanging in shock. Words weren’t coming to his brain, more so his mouth and his body gave up and leaned haphazardly on the uncushioned wooden seat. It hurt but Minhyun’s pride wouldn’t budge. The four are looking at him in different shades of worry and fear (though there is still a glint of slyness in Aron’s eyes like he’s planned the conversation). 

After all their years together, it’s the first time that they’re pranking him with something that concerns his love life so he didn’t really know how to take it all in. In this setup, of all times. 

“Seriously?” Minhyun’s tone is low.

Everyone nodded. It’s not a prank.

“What made you think that?” 

Aron answered this time, sincerity can be heard in his voice. At least Minhyun could hear that Aron’s judgment was made out of pure and honest observation. Aron is the most honest of them all after all. “I don’t know, produce? Wanna One Go?” 

“You didn’t even join produce.”

“But it’s what I saw on broadcast. And I confirmed with these three.” The three in topic tried to avoid Aron’s glance but met Minhyun’s instead. “You’re cute together and it’s like I finally understand shipping culture.” 

Aron’s hands are now cupping his own cheeks and Minhyun can’t seem to decipher if he’s trying to apologize through an aegyo or he’s still being a bully to him. 

Baekho spoke up, not to mend things but also not to add fuel to the topic. “Uhh, so at least now we know you’re not together. It’s cleared. Sorry.” 

Aron was still smiling.

“Does it really seem that way, that we’re… Hmmm…” Minhyun paused and continued with a sigh. “That we’re together-together?”

Ren answered with a question intended to need a validation. “A little?”

“Does Jaehwan know this?” Minhyun sighed. It’s not that he’s mad at them (how could he?), but he’s worried and it sure took the fun out of their dinner. He knew that it was just proper to have discussed this and there really was no avenue. At least not anytime soon. 

Baekho patted him at the back. “I don’t think he knows.”

“Maybe you should tell him?” Aron hinted. JR’s eyebrows knot and he threw a look at Aron, warning him that he shouldn’t push it. If Minhyun is dumb enough not to see this coming, then he would surely fall for Aron’s suggestion.

“God, we don’t even know if he’s gay--” Minhyun didn’t finish the thought. “I’ll bring it up. He deserves to know that people are seeing us like how you see us.” He narrowed his eyes on Aron and stuck his tongue out to signal that the heavy feelings in him are gone.  _ They’re okay. _

///

The thought bothers Minhyun--not in the way that it’s making him feel uncomfortable or that it’s making him more self-aware (god, Minhyun’s self-awareness is really a weakness he needs to develop) but it irks him in the way that this topic might make Jaehwan feel uncomfortable about  _ them,  _ about their friendship _.  _

He is not sure how Jaehwan will take it if he brings it up. He’s not sure what issue will surface more, the fact that his members are talking about him or that they think that the two of them are in a relationship or something of some sort. Plus, how could he tell him? It’s not really that easy to just come up to him and say, “Oh hey, funny thing. Did you know that my members think we’re together? Silly right? Haha.” 

So he stalls. He looks at him weirdly the whole duration of practice the next day and he knows for sure that Jaehwan feels the awkwardness.

He overthinks it too. The random glances would make Jaehwan think something’s wrong and that might make him come up to him unannounced and Minhyun’s not really sure he’s ready to have the ‘conversation’ when the person who initiated it is Jaehwan. If this happens, it would make Jaehwan the one in control of the conversation and Minhyun just couldn’t let that. He needs to be in command of how it will go because there are just so many misinterpretations that could happen and he needs to be in the defense of his members. A misunderstanding is the least he could wish to happen. 

Before he decides to tell him what’s up and what’s making him act weird and (more) awkward, he lists down some proof that might help him in saving Aron’s face. Making it seem “natural” for Aron to put malice on their interactions would probably enable him to dodge any form of contesting from him. 

He starts from the beginning. He doesn’t remember his reaction being shown in Jaehwan’s audition piece but he sure remembers being blown away by his voice. He thinks all them were amazed so he doesn’t really think of it as something important to point out. He was an individual trainee and he was very much impressed with how he’s kept up and caught up with other trainees who have been with an agency. This performance lead him to picking him for Sorry, Sorry and they were always together in the evaluations, from start to finish. 

Maybe that’s it. That’s probably what prompted Aron to think there’s something between them. But isn’t that too shallow? 

Minhyun remembers hearing Aron mention Wanna One Go--is it the red string? Their dynamic as the one who likes to clean and the one who doesn’t really give a damn if it’s clean or not? Is it the couple aprons or the couple sleepwear that Daehwi and Jinyoung gave? 

It doesn’t convince him; that it’s all there is and that it lead Aron to his conclusion. So he digs a little bit deeper.

He types in their names in Twitter and finds a lot (a lot!) of photos from events (he saved three from different fansites), spanning from their produce days to fansigning. He also discovers the term #년짼. It’s apparently what fans use to call them, a combination of both of their names. Their love team. 

Apparently it’s not only Aron. Not only JR, Ren, and Baekho.

Apparently a lot of their fans see them as a collective, a couple.

He didn’t know that but now he does; and he still doesn’t know how to bring it up to Jaehwan. 

///

Two days after his dinner with his Nu’est members, he decides for it. He concludes that there’s no point in holding the information because it will just make him more and more anxious whenever Jaehwan comes close and he doesn’t really like for that to happen, not when he’s the closest member Minhyun has in Wanna One.

“Hey, Jaehwannie.” Minhyun singsongs to him after practice. “Want to walk together to the dorms?”

“Oh, hey. Sure?” Minhyun feels Jaehwan’s doubt. It’s probably the product of how he’s been acting in the past couple of days and he really can’t blame him. 

He has approached him and he should go on with the mission.

“You’ve been a trainee for a long time, right?” Minhyun breaks the ice and hopefully, the conversation goes smoother than what ran in his head. 

“Not as long as you.” He smiles and Minhyun almost stops walking so he could just stare. “And not as successful.”

“Hey, don’t say that. We’ve debuted together.” Minhyun puts his arm around him, hand resting on his shoulder for a short while. This time Jaehwan smiles  _ at him.  _ And it was good timing that they’ve passed by a lamp post because he sees,  _ he sees _ how Jaehwan’s eyes glimmer with hope and relief. And maybe it’s also the time that it dawns on Minhyun that he’s not good at reading people too (probably something he should develop as well besides self-awareness). Tonight is just an exemption, for Jaehwan. 

Minhyun continues on with the plan. “For sure you’ve met a lot of people.” 

“I’m sure the same goes the same to you. Probably more and probably famous people.”

A giggle escapes Minhyun.

The younger’s shoulder laxed a little after a deep inhale. Minhyun must have been making this hard for him so he better get to the point.

“I know something’s bothering you.” Jaehwan slides in smoothly.

Minhyun thought out loud. “Hmm? Really? You could tell?” 

“You’ve been really quiet and distant this week so I thought something happened, at least after your dinner with your members. Is something wrong?” Jaehwan passes a small smile.

The quietness of the night envelopes them. It’s cold and their breaths become visible at times because of the imbalance of the temperature and if both are going to be honest, it’s quite hard to keep the lips moving because it’s getting drier and drier every second. 

The taller talks again just after passing another lamp post. “It’s actually about you, about us.”

Jaehwan looks up at Minhyun. “Oh no, did I do something wrong? Did I offend them?”

“No, of course not. You know Aron…” Minhyun trails.

“Yes, and Minki-hyung and Jong-hyun-hyung and Dongho-hyung.” Minhyun thinks it’s cute that he calls them by those names. “Yeah, I know them.”

“Yeah, those dorks.”

“What about them?” Jaehwan’s eyes speak a full volume of honesty and Minhyun doesn’t dare hold back the issue.

“They thought we’re together.”

Jaehwan looks up again, not to him but to the stars. And this made Minhyun feel powerless because he doesn’t know what’s running in his mind. 

Jaehwan’s reaction took time but it was short and heavy all at the same time that Minhyun wanted to retreat already. “Oh. Sorry.” 

Minhyun couldn’t really color it with anything. Once again, he’s blank. 

“Why are you saying sorry?”

“I guessed that you didn’t want to be associated with me in that sense? I mean, the implications are--” Jaehwan jumps to another line of thought. “What if the person you like hears this and gets the wrong idea? What would you tell her?” Jaehwan’s questions are more than valid and Minhyun couldn’t think of a way to answer it: he doesn’t know if there really are no answers or he’s just putting on a blind eye so he could avoid seeing what’s already in front of him. At the very least, he’s touched by the younger’s thoughtfulness.

_ Her  _ rings in Minhyun’s head. Jaehwan’s thinking that he has someone in his heart and he doesn’t recall any instance where he’s hinted that he’s interested in someone. Is Jaehwan?

“It’s okay. I don’t have someone I like.” Minhyun confesses and Jaehwan looks up at him, eyes darker, like they’re searching for an explanation to what he just said.

Jaehwan looks straight on the sidewalk and utters a late “Oh,” just to make it a point that he wasn’t the one who abandoned the conversation. Like he’s been contracted to be the next one to speak.

So Minhyun lets out a laugh just to chill things off a bit (not that the weather is not chilly enough). “Are you even interested in--” He doesn’t have enough courage to finish it and he’s even shocked that he had the guts to start it so he tries to retract it, in the very least. “I--I don’t mean to sound pushy. You are not obligated to answer that. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

They’re walking closer now but the space between them is getting more cold. Jaehwan is still looking in front, at the road ahead. Silent. He looks down on his feet and it probably took him a huge amount of courage to say it too. “Saying it out loud is giving me strange feelings.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to share it with me. I understand that it’s too personal. It’s my fault to even start this conversation. So, I’m sorry.”

“I like boys.” Jaehwan breathes. Minhyun does his best not to stop on his tracks, not to look so shocked, not to do anything that might give off the feeling that he doesn’t accept Jaehwan for who he is. 

“I--I’m glad that you’re entrusting me with this information. Thank you. You’re cool, Jaehwan-ah.” The last part, he wasn’t really sure why he said it. Maybe he wishes for the same bravery, the same spirit, the same honesty towards the self; because he’s sure there are a lot more in himself to admit, to realize, and to understand.

Jaehwan smiles at him, dimple shyly showing itself to Minhyun. “Good night, Minhyun-hyung.”

They part ways yet he doesn’t know how to process the information. What happens after knowing that Jaehwan swings that way? Sure, he says nothing will change. There are tons of possibilities and he’s beaming. 

That night, Minhyun tires himself further by looking at their tag on Twitter. He sees more: more pictures, more clips, even fan-made content. He falls asleep after saving three pictures.

///

Ten boys fill up the van and it’s so easy to see that Jaehwan is the missing member. They’re going to a different studio today so they leave earlier than normal. 

“Oh, Jaehwan is not coming?”

Jisung answers, directed to all of them. “Jaehwan is staying in today. He’s not feeling well.”

By 3:00 PM, they are done practicing. Minhyun gets permission from Jisung that he will go home earlier to see how Jaehwan is doing. Half of the members are staying to practice more while the other half are scheduled to visit their respective labels.

He arrives at the dorm and it was quiet. The door to Jaehwan’s room is slightly opened but he still knocked to announce his arrival. 

“Jaehwannie?”

Jaehwan is under a thick blanket and he peeks just enough to see Minhyun. 

“Hey, it’s still early. Are you done with practice?”

Minhyun lets himself in and sits at the edge of Jaehwan’s bed. He’s too focused on finding out how Jaehwan is that he forgot to change his clothes first. “I brought soup and juice. How are you feeling?”

Jaehwan thanks him and tells him that he’ll eat it later. Minhyun realizes that he’s been avoiding his eyes.

“Is this about last night?” 

Jaehwan glances at him and sighs. He pulls down the blanket and Minhyun sees Jaehwan’s puffy eyes.

“Oh no, it is.” Minhyun’s voice is higher, panicking with what’s happening. For the first time in a while, Minhyun gets an assumption correct. Jaehwan might have been up all night thinking how he, his hyung, would take his coming out. They parted ways in a hurry, leaving them no chance to discuss how Minhyun actually feels about it. They are close, after all. “Why? I… I thought we were fine. Do you want me to forget what happened?”

“No it’s okay. I just thought I needed one day to let everything sink in.”

“Everything?” Minhyun probes.

Jaehwan feels defeated. “You.” 

“Me?”

“Yeah. I realized that after what happened last night you’d distance yourself from me.” 

“Hey, I won’t do that.”

“Sure, you say that now. But in time, I know you’ll grow more aware--that I’m like this and you’re not. And I needed some time off to ready myself for what’s going to happen because it would be painful. God, it’s already painful.” Jaehwan sniffs. “I’ll come to practice tomorrow. Don’t worry. Just give me this one time.”

Minhyun cannot find it in his heart to understand why Jaehwan would think that he will look at him differently just because he’s outed himself. He didn’t even think of it this way last night. 

To drift apart is also something so unimaginable for him and if he won’t clear things now, maybe he won’t be given the chance to. 

It hurts him that he’s seeing him cry in front of him and he hates himself for still staring, unable to move, unsure of the rules. Jaehwan is crying and all he could think about is how he’s still beautiful, with the glow that the golden hour brings, with tears still streaming on his face. 

He pulls him in to a hug and whispers a promise, “The friendship stays, Jaehwan.” And that might have made Jaehwan cry harder. “Yeah,  _ friends.”  _ And it is by this time that it hits Minhyun that this whole ordeal isn’t about how he was scared to see what Jaehwan would think at the idea. 

He realizes that he is scared to know how he would feel about the idea if them together. Jaehwan and Minhyun, Minhyun and Jaehwan. 

In the past days that he is thinking about it, he has found it in himself to see himself in it and he is still overwhelmed with how everything is perfect and just the label is missing. He was just too blind and too dumb to acknowledge his own feelings. And it’s his fault, really. He might have been giving away obvious signs yet he just sees it as something normal. Because normal is what he feels when it comes to Jaehwan. It’s as if he thought they exist as friends but at the end of every day, they’ve come to exist for each other. 

That it wasn’t just really about the bond they formed in Produce 101, or the strings that got them literally tied in Wanna One Go. It’s was more than what the camera recorded and the network edited. 

Minhyun sucks at reading between the lines and his group and their fans have proven that #년짼 is all in the in-betweens. 

It’s in the way they look  _ after  _ each other, in the way they look  _ at  _ each other. It’s in the impromptu duets in the dormitory, the late-night conversation in the pantry. The constant nagging to try the dish Jaehwan cooked and the regular reminder to wash Jaehwan’s face. It’s in the comfortable silences of the trips in the van. It’s between the shared earphones, the shared music. It’s between the “I would really like to debut with Kim Jaehwan” and the “I would really be proud if he learns to be clean in the next 1.5 years we’re together.” 

And perhaps it is too late for him to just realize this now, now that Jaehwan seems to be moving on from him already. And he almost sighs in the reality he’s facing. What a cruel thing his stupidity has brought him. 

His heart loved without him knowing, without him fully grasping what is happening because it all happened all too spontaneously like it is the most normal thing to occur. 

Like scuba diving, you become scared on your first dive. You are prepared, yes. Emotionally, mentally. Physically, too. You have your eyes closed, almost breathless. Excited of the idea of discovery but frightened in the little uncertainty of what happens after diving in. It is frightening and you become too aware of every move that it’s already making you so anxious. You’re anxious when you love, too. For in loving, every action, every in-between will count. 

You wouldn’t really know how you’d do it or if you’ll really be able to pull it off. So without a warning, you fell into the water the same way you fell in love. The first you see are the splashes--bubbles of different realities of what could be and it’s almost beautiful, save for the fact that it kept you from seeing what’s beneath. It reminds you to slow down and take a breath. It’s hard to make sense of everything when you’re in a hurry.

The sensation is shocking--both loving and diving. It all happens too fast and the normalcy is scary. The next thing you know is that you’re questioning yourself how you managed to live before diving and before loving, because hell,  _ it is amazing.  _ Being in love with Jaehwan is amazing. 

The realization is too sudden but it was seamless. It was all already laid in front of Minhyun yet  he was just too blind to see. 

“It doesn’t matter who you love, Jaehwannie.”

Jaehwan is quiet. “Do you like boys too, Minhyun-hyung?”

“No.”

The younger stops wiping his tears. He sees a white light and he’s probably going towards it, albeit unwillingly. The end coming. “Oh.”

“But I think I like a certain Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan gasps, his brain quick in understanding the words but having a hard time to believe. His eyes are still red and puffy from the tears from last night and he doesn’t think he could do another night of crying. “You do?”

Minhyun nods.

“Really?”

Minhyun nods again.

“Did you just realize this?” Jaehwan just had to ask. His curiosity will kill him anytime soon and he doesn’t really want to die because of another heartbreak either.

“Last night,” Minhyun is now holding his hands.

“When I told you I’m gay?” Jaehwan holds his own chest in an attempt to calm him. 

Minhyun is shy to confess. “Yeah, I guess.”

“How? Did I emotionally blackmail you?” Jaehwan covers his mouth with both of his hands.

“No, uhh.” Minhyun buckles, a blush blooms on his cheeks. “I tried to… imagine myself with other people and it wasn’t as exciting as to when I imagined myself with you.”

“But that’s because we grew fond of each other.”

Minhyun pouts at the rebuttal. “Well, I tried imagining you with other people too and… I really didn’t like what I saw.”

Jaehwan is silent. Tears fall slowly on his cheeks. He doesn’t know how else to continue with the conversation. “You don’t even know my feelings.”

“I don’t. But I know mine.” Minhyun knows it that being honest with himself is already a good enough development. Whatever Jaehwan’s response to this is, he’d take it. He dove and he liked the feeling. 

Jaehwan kicks the blanket, hands messing his hair in annoyance. “This is too much to process.”

“Hmm?”

Minhyun fixes Jaehwan’s hair and tucks stray hair behind his ear. 

“I mean, I was trying to move on from you and you’re suddenly here, saying you like me. Wow.”

“What?” Minhyun is not sure he gets what Jaehwan means. Nothing new. 

“I thought we’d fall apart after last night and I realized I should dispose all of my feelings for you, before it eats me alive.”

“You have feelings for... me?”

“You don’t really see it, huh.”

“Oh.” It dawns on him, the in-betweens. Aron and his members are right, after all. “Am I late, then?” Not that Minhyun is expecting something. 

“No! No! Moving on is a little harder than what I thought.” Jaehwan giggles and it’s music to Minhyun’s ears. “Consider my efforts discarded.” Jaehwan’s smile is refreshing. 

“But let’s tone it down a little, especially when the cameras are there.”

“Why?”

“Search for #년짼 on Twitter.” Minhyun suggests.

“Hmm?”

///

That night, Jaehwan saves three photos from Twitter. 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this one friend who's totally a noob about love. She just can't see it even if it's already on her face. I'd say Minhyun's character here is from her. 
> 
> also how is your coming out story hahaha mine was not exciting 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm still in twt and cc! 
> 
>  
> 
> //i miss them//


End file.
